What I did was totally unexpected from me. I was always this goody-goody girl, good grades, never misses a Sunday going to church. A lot of my friends view me as this stable and rational girl, well, at least from the outside or based off of what I chose to show them. The whole thing seemed so strange and out of character, but during that time it appeared to me as the only solution to the series of problems I single handedly created (well not really, but that’s for another post). At that time, the thought of doing it made me feel like I can do it. I am ready for this shit!
I gave the house one last look, it might take a while for me to see it again. After a few good minutes of relishing the memories I had in our home, I set off. At first it felt like I was doing something I should have done long ago, I felt free from all the judgment and criticism but it did not last long. My money which is technically my parents’ are slipping out of my wallet faster than what I expected.
A crazy thing was this happened all too soon and I let my emotions get to my mind so I ran off without even knowing where the fuck to go! But it felt soooooo fucking good. It felt like I was finally able to unfurl my wings and fly to somewhere I don’t know. lol. That being said, I spent most of the day in a coffee shop, having a good time like I didn’t ran away from home. Though that good time didn’t last that long because when I finally opened my phone hours after running away, my phone was blasting from all the text messages and I read them one by one, most of it came from my mom, dad and my bestfriend, just when I thought I was so strong to be able to do what I’ve always wanted to do, I found myself crying like a little girl in a coffee shop not giving a fuck to those wondering eyes. It’s getting late and I need a place to sleep so I texted my grade school bestfriend if I can crash to her place and she said I can stay as long as I want since she’s living alone. That stopped my eyes from leaking. Hehe.
Days turned into weeks and my mom keeps on texting and calling me, asking me if I’m okay, if I’ve eaten, blah blah blah. Part of me wants to go meet her, cry and tell that it’s too much for me, this is hard. For someone living her life so sheltered, running away is scary but there’s also a part of me that wants to prove to them especially to my brother that I can do this and that part weighs more than the fear.
To be honest, I am afraid, I’m not strong but I have to do this. First for myself and then to prove something to my family. My mom offered me money as tempting as it is, I didn’t take it because I remember what my dad told me, as long as I’m under his roof, using his money, he have a say as to what I should do with my life. So yeah, my money is now well budgeted up to the last peso til I get my first salary on my first job! Yeah, I got a job because I have to eat and finally contribute and to the bills here and stop being a free loader.
On the process of all these, I’ve learned and is still learning a lot, but that’s for another post because my mind is not functioning so good right now as you can see on how I wrote this but I just have to let it out so yeah. Hehe!
Have a great day, beautiful people! 🙂
EDIT: I’ve written this a month ago, and finally decided to publish this one. As of now, I’m living alone, well not really bc I have housemates but I decided to move out of my bestfriend’s place, stayed there for like 2 weeks only. Work’s going okay, I’m liking it so far, as well as the people I’m working with. I think I’m going home for Christmas, tbh, I miss my family and my baby Maxie…