MY TAKEAWAYS WHEN I RAN AWAY

Like what my previous blog is about, I ran away from home. Yes, I ran away, in case you don’t know. That’s something I’m proud to say because I’ve learned and is learning a lot from it and not proud at the same time because I’ve hurt the people that care most for me and made them worried sick. Running away made me go out of my comfort zone, caused me to meet a lot of interesting and sometimes annoying people, a lot of different people coming from different walks of life. That little stint taught and is teaching me a lot of things starting from practicality, how to blend in and to stand out, how to manage life. Basically teaching me how to be an adult, and I’d like to share some of my take aways.

First is about money, since I’m already working and earning for myself, it means that I have to budget my money down to the last cent. I’m thankful to my parents because they did not shower me with lavish lifestyle, they taught me the importance of money and emphasized how managing it well will do me good. Back when I was not yet working and still asking allowance from my parents, I don’t really care how will I spend my money, all I’m doing was spending it all, going to coffee ahops, buying unnecessary things and then asking for more money. Put that on repeat, that’s my attitude towards money when I’m still dependent with my parents. I felt like I am a daughter of rich people, when in truth I am a daughter of two hard working people who want nothing short of the best for their children. Now that I’m living on my own, I’m happy to be eating at Jollibee and feels like I’m already treating myself when eating s4 or c2. Hehe! There’s definitely and change of mindset there and I’m thankful that my parents reiterated to my thick skull that I should live within my means and never beyond it, because I’m seeing a lot of people living lavishly beyond what their salary permits and when it’s time to pay the bills or it’s critical wallet days, there they are running like a headless chicken looking for someone to borrow money. In a way, I am seeing my old self to them and it makes me want to whack them and be like my parents (like a broken record telling them to save!) Don’t get me wrong, I’m not yet there when it comes to saving or managing my finances, I still have a lot of things to do and learn but I’m definitely starting and doing my best to be frugal but I never forget to treat myself every once in a while, especially if my stats are good, and usually it’s just a good cup of coffee or a hearty bowl of ramen! Hehe.

Second on my list is that I’ll meet a lot of people and all have different stories to tell. Back at home, I felt like I have a set of curated friends, coming from almost similar background. When I ran away, to say that I am shocked/amazed to the stories I heard is an understatement. After hearing some of those tales or life experiences, I’ve realized how good I had my life and how I’ve taken for granted the comfort my parents worked hard to provide me. I’ve met and talked to a lot of people and surprisingly they are very open about their life stories, some heart-wrenching, others made me question if it’s really possible because it is too inhumane, well at least for me and my sheltered life. Now whenever I see someone interesting, I always wonder what’s their story. Sometimes it’s not enough to be just kind, sometimes you have to lend your ears as well, listen to them gloat, it makes a huge difference, with that small act you can be saving a life without knowing it. 🙂

Lastly, in my darkest time, the time wherein I’m lost, too overwhelmed and being blinded and unable to see what’s right and wrong then I’ll see who my true friends really are. And by true friends, I mean not only those who are with me most of the time but those friends who will tell straight to my face what they think about what I do and not those friends who will agree to everything I do and say and then they’ll blab on my back tell things I wish they said directly to me.

In addition, people will break your trust, hurt you, whether intentionally or unintentionally. And yes, it’s okay to be angry, it’s normal, you’re hurt. What’s not okay is carrying this anger for so long. Why? Because you’re making yourself suffer from these negative feelings. Let go of your anger, learn from what you went through and be wiser.

I love you all, beautiful people! This post is long overdue but I finally had the time to post this. Kisses til next time! Xo 💋

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Know thyself. :)

Back at home, I was always this girly girl, I always have to be prim and proper as per my father. He used to tell me that I should always move like the lady that I am, he will always tell me that I eat too fast, I sit like a boy and then telling to sit properly, like how a proper lady should sit/act, basically grooming me to be so lady like. I’m always like that until I left home. Upon leaving our home or more like running away from home, I discovered a lot more about myself, some made me happy, the others made me sad and one thing that I’m discovering now is confusing me big time! This one thing is really new to me, something I’ve never felt before, making my insides flutter, warm and melt-yes all that at once. Crazy, right? 

It all started when I met this person, who’s now being the center of this confusion. At first, this person and I are not really that close. Well, maybe because we’re both the shy type but as time went by, our (friendly) relationship improved. This person would always get my attention whenever chance presented itself, whether it’s by chance or consciously doing it or this person is really friendly, that’s something I can’t say. I don’t wanna assume because I don’t wanna be disappointed in the end, and by doing that it’ll just confuse my already confused brain even more. 

I’m done with my coffee, and I’m now sleepy. Good night, beautiful ppl! Until the next entry. Xoxo 💋

What I did was totally unexpected from me. I was always this goody-goody girl, good grades, never misses a Sunday going to church. A lot of my friends view me as this stable and rational girl, well, at least from the outside or based off of what I chose to show them. The whole thing seemed so strange and out of character, but during that time it appeared to me as the only solution to the series of problems I single handedly created (well not really, but that’s for another post). At that time, the thought of doing it made me feel like I can do it. I am ready for this shit!

I gave the house one last look, it might take a while for me to see it again. After a few good minutes of relishing the memories I had in our home, I set off. At first it felt like I was doing something I should have done long ago, I felt free from all the judgment and criticism but it did not last long. My money which is technically my parents’ are slipping out of my wallet faster than what I expected.

A crazy thing was this happened all too soon and I let my emotions get to my mind so I ran off without even knowing where the fuck to go! But it felt soooooo fucking good. It felt like I was finally able to unfurl my wings and fly to somewhere I don’t know. lol. That being said, I spent most of the day in a coffee shop, having a good time like I didn’t ran away from home. Though that good time didn’t last that long because when I finally opened my phone hours after running away, my phone was blasting from all the text messages and I read them one by one, most of it came from my mom, dad and my bestfriend, just when I thought I was so strong to be able to do what I’ve always wanted to do, I found myself crying like a little girl in a coffee shop not giving a fuck to those wondering eyes. It’s getting late and I need a place to sleep so I texted my grade school bestfriend if I can crash to her place and she said I can stay as long as I want since she’s living alone. That stopped my eyes from leaking. Hehe.

Days turned into weeks and my mom keeps on texting and calling me, asking me if I’m okay, if I’ve eaten, blah blah blah. Part of me wants to go meet her, cry and tell that it’s too much for me, this is hard. For someone living her life so sheltered, running away is scary but there’s also a part of me that wants to prove to them especially to my brother that I can do this and that part weighs more than the fear.

To be honest, I am afraid, I’m not strong but I have to do this. First for myself and then to prove something to my family. My mom offered me money as tempting as it is, I didn’t take it because I remember what my dad told me, as long as I’m under his roof, using his money, he have a say as to what I should do with my life. So yeah, my money is now well budgeted up to the last peso til I get my first salary on my first job! Yeah, I got a job because I have to eat and finally contribute and to the bills here and stop being a free loader.

On the process of all these, I’ve learned and is still learning a lot, but that’s for another post because my mind is not functioning so good right now as you can see on how I wrote this but I just have to let it out so yeah. Hehe!

Have a great day, beautiful people! 🙂
EDIT: I’ve written this a month ago, and finally decided to publish this one. As of now, I’m living alone, well not really bc I have housemates but I decided to move out of my bestfriend’s place, stayed there for like 2 weeks only. Work’s going okay, I’m liking it so far, as well as the people I’m working with. I think I’m going home for Christmas, tbh, I miss my family and my baby Maxie…

Unspoken Thoughts

I was cleaning my room when I found a random notebook laying under my bed. Being the curious cat that I am, I opened it and it was a blast from the past. Thought I would share here the entry I wrote more than a year ago…

I once asked myself what I am doing with my life. This is not who I really am, I know I can do better. I know that I am better than this. Better than all the adversities I had came across in my life. Every day is a constant question of where am I going and what am I gonna do. I am not like this before. I am enthusiastic, full of life and driven but I suddenly woke up not feeling like that anymore. I woke up realizing that I lost my drive, I lost my enthusiasm, I lost my passion. In other words, I am lost. I am lost in this terrifying world that feeds with the weak and helpless; a world that is definitely too big if you’ll walk alone and not knowing where to go with no one to run to. For me, that’s the scariest thing a man would have to endure. One thing lead to another, being alone made me lose my sense of direction, my driving force. Losing the driving force to go on scared me. That scary feeling made me stagnant. Anxiety came in when stagnation hit me. I am often awake at the time everyone was soundly sleeping. I was there on my bed silently crying, careful not to make a noise while everybody is peacefully asleep. And then I realized that it’s about time to stop being the wimpy kid so I decided to man up and find myself. I’ve tried to run around hoping I would find someone or something to ignite the fire in me that slowly died but I found myself running a frivolous run. I suddenly forgot how to dream. In the quest of redeeming my old self back, I delved into the vastness of this hideous world even more. I became this abominable and abhorrent person I never thought I would be. I indulged myself in things I know would not satisfy me. In things I know would cause further damage in my already vitiated self. But I continued running, galloping to somewhere I don’t know with the hopes of getting myself back and it occurred to me, I lost it. I lost myself. I lose this quest; I was unable to redeem myself. I failed to keep and hold the fragment of my old self I’m trying to find. —

This was written when I was at my lowest point of my life. During those times, I felt so useless. I felt like a zombie wandering this earth aimlessly. I was doing things just to comply to what my parents want until I completely lost myself. Hehe. Too much drama, I know.

Looking back, I am happy I made it through this phase of my life. I really thought that was it. That was the end of me. But I was wrong. One thing I realized just now, is that, it is only me who will decide if I am finished or not. It is totally up to me to continue fighting or let the difficult circumstance/s define me. It is I who should define the circumstance/s and not the other way around. If I am given a chance to go back and change things to make it better and more beautiful, I think I would pass. Those times are my refining moment. If not for those overwhelming emotions and events that I have to go through, I wouldn’t be like this now, probably I wouldn’t even be where I am now. To be honest, I am thankful I went through that moment; it made me a better, stronger, wiser and enduring version of myself.

Indeed, everything happens for a reason. You may not understand it now, but time will come everything will materialize and you will understand why a certain thing happened. Just don’t give up. Fight for yourself, for what you believe in. 🙂 It is never wrong to get up and try again. If you fall, you may take a rest, try to take and process everything and when you’re ready, smile and kick some ass! You’ll get there! Believe me, you will. 🙂 You just have to believe in yourself, keep on pressing forward and choose to see the good in every situation and focus on that. It will take time, so be patient; after all, patience is a virtue and every good things come to those who wait but not to those who just wait and do nothing. You know what I mean 🙂

Will. Determination. Positivity. Love. Passion.

 

Finish strong, beautiful people!

20 Random Facts about Me

  1. I feel soooooo incomplete without my wrist watch, hair tie and earrings AKA my daily accessories.  I just can’t go out with them.
  2. I love going to coffee shops! The aroma of the roasting coffee beans relaxes me.
  3. My biggest pet peeve is when I can hear someone chewing their food.
  4. I have a very eclectic taste in music. One day I like rock music then the next I am listening to jazz all day.
  5. I don’t have a favorite band, artist, and color; which most people find hard to believe.
  6. I’ve always wanted to have a tattoo.
  7. Staying up late like 3 am late, is a piece of cake for me. Night owl here!
  8. I can swim but I can’t make myself float, so I will still drown and die!! Hahaha
  9. I love seeing ballet recitals! I feel like I should be a ballerina. lol
  10. I splurge at getting my nails done. Ultimate pamper time!
  11. I don’t like eating leafy foods (i.e. salads) it makes me feel like I’m a goat. 😀
  12. I hate clothes and shoe shopping, it stresses me out.
  13. Coffee? Always!!
  14. My dream job would be a travel blogger. It’s like getting paid to do the things I love the most.
  15. I love mayonnaise!
  16. Give me good books and I can stay in my room for days!
  17. I love going out as much as I love staying in.
  18. Rainy days make me so emotional. 😀
  19. I suck at any sports!
  20. I live for gummy worms and sour tapes!

20 Things in my 20 Years

A month and a couple of days ago I turned 20, finally leaving my teenage years. I didn’t feel like it was a transition or a big leap like what most of my friends felt because basically I am still a youth.😉Even though I didn’t feel the transition that according to others I was supposed to feel, I made a list of the things I learned and narrowed it down to 20 because I am 20 years old now! So, here it goes..

1. Follow your ♥ 

– Do what makes you happy! Life is short to reserve myself from pursuing what I like. As long as I am not hurting anybody, I will go for it!

2. Do not be afraid/ashamed to explore new things.

– Through exploration, I have discovered things I never thought I can do. It allowed me to know myself better.

3. Do not be a know-it-all.

– Before, I was afraid to ask questions because I was afraid that others might see me as bird-brained so most of the times I will just pretend to know what everybody was talking about. It was not a good habit and I am thankful I was able   to get rid of it early. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. There will always be room     for learning. Nobody knows everything.

4. It is okay to ask for help.

– When I was young, I was trained to do everything by myself, especially academic things. So I kinda carried it out when I was growing older and find it hard to admit that I need help because for me, it was a sign of weakness.

5. I can’t please everybody.

– I can be the best person in the world and there will still be someone that doesn’t like me. And that’s okay because it is not my job to get them to like me.

6. Be kind.

– I always try to be kind even when I’m PMS-ing, didn’t have my daily dose of coffee or sleep. Why? Because over the years, I have learned that everyone has their own predicaments going on in their heads and being kind to them is the least I can do to help.

7. Always have a positive outlook.

– Negativity will take me nowhere and will just give me anxiety and doubts about myself and capabilities. Trust me on this, because I have been there.

8. Choose to see the good in other people.

– Everybody has their good and bad side, strengths and weaknesses, I always choose to see what’s good in them and I try my best to help them flourish their strengths.

9. It doesn’t matter what anybody thinks of me.

– If you’ll ask me why I look so happy, this is my secret.🙂 I don’t really care how other people (esp if they are not close to me) see me. Through the years, I learned to be confident in myself and with the things I can do. Of all the people here on earth, it is I who knows myself the best.🙂

10. I can be/do anything I want, I just have to work really hard for it.

– Nothing worth having comes easy! I have to fight for my degree, endure all the sleepless nights because in the end, the reward is much sweeter.

11. Take a break, disconnect to everyone and reconnect to yourself.

– In the hustle and bustle of life, I usually get myself disconnected from myself. It sounds absurd but it is possible. Sometimes I just do things just to comply and because I am expected to do it. When things are becoming too much to carry, I disconnect with everyone and everything to reconnect with myself, I do things I find pleasurable and things I am really passionate about. And when I’m ready to face the world again, I’ll smile, strut and show them how awesome I am. he he he

12. Me time is a time well spent.

– When I was younger, I used to pity those people who don’t have someone with them when going to the mall, coffee shop, etc. But now that I am older I find myself going out alone and I surprisingly enjoy it that I sometimes prefer to go out alone than with friends. When I’m alone, I get to reflect more on life and I am more productive.😀

13. I can choose my friends.

– They say friends are the family we get to choose and that’s right. Over the years I have learned and saw the importance of choosing the right set of friends. Compared to others, I have very few friends but all of them are friends whom I can confide and run to whenever life takes a toll on me. Quality over quantity!!

14. Stop complaining!

– It won’t get me anywhere and most definitely won’t fix a thing. If I don’t like something, I’ll go and change it.

15. Failure does not end everything.

– I failed a lot on life. I thought it was the end of me but I was wrong. Thankfully! I stumbled and then I got up wiser and stronger. It is okay to fail, as long as you will learn from it.

16. Life takes time to figure out.

– When I was in my early teen age years AKA my high school years, I have created a concrete plan for my life. It goes something like this: At 19, I already have my diploma, at 20, I am working, at 25, I have to have my serious and steady relationship, at 28 I should be married blah blah blah. Now that I am 20, I am still in college, obviously no diploma yet and still jobless. But that’s okay because…

17. …things are not always like how I planned and wanted it to be.

– I learned that I should never box myself within the plans I made when I was 14 or 15 years old. Things and circumstances change. Change is the only thing that is permanent in this life, if you’re not changing, you’re not growing. I should never punish myself for a plan that was not made into reality. Plans are just plans, they are only guidelines into achieving what we want in life. It can be changed and can totally be left undone.

18. It is okay to deviate from my parents’ plan for MY life.

– It is not them who will run MY life. It is my life and it is only fitting that I get to choose the things I like to pursue esp career wise. Of course, I will still take their opinions into consideration but it will always be my decision.

19. Be open with my family esp my parents.

– I don’t have the best and most amazing relationship with my parents and to be honest I sometimes envy my friends who can joke around with their parents. But life taught me that no matter how uptight or strict my parents are, whatever my problems are, I can and should tell it to them because they are my parents. Of all the people I know, they are the ones who can and will help me the most. No matter how big of a failure I am, I know that they still love me the same. All of the sermon and heart-piercing words were just to make me realize what I have done.

20. LOVE MYSELF.

P.S. Life is a never ending series of choices. Whatever and wherever you are now is the result of your choices in the past.🙂 Be wise!