As I sit down here at the very corner of my go-to coffee shop I let my mind wander and look back. I realized that my mind and my heart have been in an emotional whirlwind for the last month. Have you ever felt being unable to translate what you’re feeling and what your thoughts are into words? That is exactly what I’m feeling right now. As I am writing this, my heart is beating uncontrollably for an unknown reason. Maybe because of the coffee? Naaah. That’s just how fucked up I am as of the moment. October has been a roller coaster ride for me. A lot of things happened – things I have never expected to experience. I must say, October caught me off-guard.
I did things I might regret in the longer run. I cut loose my relationship (not romantically) with someone whom I think genuinely cares for me and wants to know me for who I really am and is willing to scratch the surface of what I’m showing just to really know me personally. And for what? For a petty reason. 😦 And being the prideful bitch that I am, I find it really hard to admit my mistake. *sigh* And because of that, I did something to somehow fill the void I am feeling and to take my mind off of the intrapersonal and interpersonal issuessssss I am having.
Now that my schooling is going into the direction that I want it to be, my emotions are fucked up. When will I ever get my shit together?
I can’t wait for these things to be over and gather my shit together. I SHOULD AND WILL MAKE ALL THESE FUCKERY STOP AND LAUGH AT MY 20 YEAR OLD SELF.
I want to write more but my mind is failing me to translate the feels into words…